Today, Wallace Shawn woke up and stared at the ceiling for a full hour. His weight felt heavy. He couldn’t be bothered to untangle the sheet from his legs. He let his cats lick his fingers and his patch of hair until he found the strength to roll up.
He chose a yellowed shirt and stretched it over his body. He poured Diet Rite from a 2 liter bottle into the same mug he had used yesterday. He stared into his toothpaste stained bathroom mirror and tried to smile.
Maybe, he thought. Maybe he’d make it to the cafe today. Maybe he’d get some writing done. Maybe he’d get a whole play written today. Maybe he’d finish early and eat a cheeseburger. Maybe he’d call his son.
The doorbell rang. Surprised, Wallace Shawn swished some Listerine and slapped some water under his armpits. His heart was full of hope as he toddled to the front door.
It was a UPS delivery man, all in brown with sunglasses. He was chewing gum. “Delivery for Mr. Wallace Shawn?” he asked, reading the name from the box.
"That’s me." said Wallace Shawn, trying, but failing, to articulate the s
"No fucking way, dude" laughed the delivery man. "You’re that guy! Right?! InconTHeivable, right? The guy from that movie!” His teeth were showing.
"Yeah, that’s me." Wallace Shawn nodded, pulling his face into a tight smile. He took the package and thanked the delivery man. He closed the door. He went back to bed.